


Street Kids No. 130392483029843209

by tangiblewhimsy



Series: Street Kids [29]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-22
Updated: 2012-08-22
Packaged: 2017-11-12 15:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/492810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangiblewhimsy/pseuds/tangiblewhimsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have run out of creative titles. Finally, we reach the end of the New Year's story arc.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Street Kids No. 130392483029843209

At first Jun couldn't be sure, but after almost five weeks he was fairly confident that Aiba was avoiding him. As such, he was quite shocked to nearly run into Aiba face first as he was heading into the showers. Aiba froze in the space of the open door, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. Jun's expression must have mirrored Aiba's for at least a moment, but it was only until Jun came to an immediate decision.

Pushing forward, Jun crowded Aiba back into the shower room and forced the door shut behind them. Aiba gave a surprised squeak of protest, but Jun ignored him in favor of trying to force the excited buzzing from his ears. Taking several deep breaths through is nose, Jun tried to figure out what he was planning to say or do.

"Where have you been?" he asked, turning to Aiba. Shit, that had come out far more accusingly than he'd meant for it to. Even if it had, though, it was a valid question.

"I found a part-time job at a pachinko parlor," Aiba answered, obviously nervous but doing his best to act natural.

"Is that why you smell like an ashtray?" Jun asked, although he realized that it wasn't a question he cared anything about and that it was also incredibly rude. Despite the fact that it got another nervous laugh from Aiba, Jun ran a hand through his hair before Aiba could answer. "What would you even do at a pachinko parlor?"

"Clean up, mostly," Aiba shrugged, chancing a look directly at Jun for the first time.

Silence hung between them, more oppressive than the humid mist that had been clouding the room before Aiba sought to exit. Jun found himself entirely without a clue about what to say next. Part of him wanted to ask why Aiba had been away for so long, but he mostly knew the answer to that question. Another, more petulant part of him wanted to know why he was the only person Aiba had been avoiding, but - again - he mostly knew the answer to that question too.

Jun had mourned Aiba's absence, whether he'd admit it or not. First he'd been in denial about being avoided, then he was pissed off, wondering what right Aiba had to feel awkward. Then he'd despaired, missing his friend and the positive energy he filled the group with. Finally, he'd come to accept that this was just how things were going to be for a while. Or at least Jun had managed to convince himself that he'd accepted it. In reality, seeing Aiba so suddenly had made it clear that Jun was still stuck between rage and despair.

"It's stupid that you feel like you have to hide from me," Jun said, crossing his arms over his chest and breaking eye contact. Aiba had always been too good at being able to read him and right now Jun didn't want his friend being able to see inside.

Opening his mouth to answer, Aiba paused. Closing his mouth again, Aiba merely nodded, humming in acknowledgement.

Jun's jaw tensed as he tried not to lash out. He wanted something more from Aiba, something more than the whipped dog expression and quiet agreement. Jun wanted words, he wanted an explanation, he wanted a fight. He wanted pretty much anything but this awkward, jagged-edged silence. Jun simply had no idea how to get it.

Shaking his head, Jun dropped his arms and turned for the door. His hand was on the latch, just about to pull it open when Aiba's voice caught him.

"MatsuJun!" He breathed in a rush, seemingly hurried to get it out before Jun was gone. Patiently, Jun turned to Aiba. Aiba's already pink face brightened as he took a moment, supposedly to compose himself.

"I - It's... Don't be mad at everyone else," Aiba said, tripping over his words but pressing on just the same. "I know that things are... that some things need to work out, but everyone else really cares about you too. Don't... Please, don't shut them out."

Dropping his hand from the door, Jun turned and stared at Aiba in disbelief.

Jun moved before he was entirely sure what he was doing, and by then it was too late. With a muted _crack_ that echoed sickeningly off of the shower room walls, Jun's fist punched nearly through the drywall just to Aiba's left. With a strangled sob of pain, Jun pulled his hand back to himself, cradling it against his chest.

"Don't!" he growled, jerking out of Aiba's reach when he tried to examine Jun's hand. Looking up, face red with pain and the exertion of barely restrained rage, Jun fairly shook as he dropped his bleeding hand and fisted the other at his side.

"You don't even know why I'm angry, do you?" Jun demanded, his volume rising as Aiba shrank back against the wall. It was sad, how small he looked, and it made Jun angrier because he didn't _want_ to feel bad about being angry. Didn't he at least have a right to anger? He owned nothing else in life, why shouldn't he be at least able to have this?

When Aiba said nothing, it threw fuel on the fire and Jun forged ahead.

"You run away and you hide, and you're telling _me_ not to pull back? What kind of bullshit is that? Where do you get off being so concerned about me and how _I_ feel?"

Pain was radiating up Jun's right arm, his wrist beginning to throb even as it started to go numb. The sensation made it difficult to concentrate, but Jun couldn't stop, he didn't want to stop. He spent so much of his time holding himself back, whether anyone knew it or not. He wanted just once to say exactly what he meant to the person he wanted to say it to.

"Do you know what it was for me to do that - to kiss you?" he asked, voice going dangerously quiet. "I don't _do_ that. I can't, I'm not like you and Nino and everyone else. I want to, a lot of the time I wish I could be like you guys, that I could reach out and connect with others the way you two do. You make it look so effortless," Jun paused, dropping his gaze for the first time as he swallowed tightly, trying to focus himself. In doing so it was helping him to calm down just enough to stop shaking, picking up his injured hand and holding it gingerly with his left.

"I get that it wasn't the same for you. I do."

"MatsuJun—"

" _Don't_ ," Jun cut in icily, gaze immediately going to Aiba's face.

Aiba was crying. He was clearly trying to stop himself, he'd managed to stay silent about it, but the tears were coming so fast that they were dripping from the bottom of Aiba's chin. The knife in Jun's gut twisted as coldness spread from his core. Unable to keep looking, Jun diverted his gaze to just behind Aiba's head at the wall.

Before Jun could think of what to say next, Aiba was on him. Jun hissed as he dropped his injured hand, not wanting it to be crushed as Aiba clamped his arms around him in a tight hug.

"LET GO OF ME!" Jun all but screamed, thrashing as he tried to break Aiba's hold. It was futile, though. Aiba was a full head taller and worked several physical jobs, he had more muscle on him than Jun could conceivably fight against one-handed. It didn't stop him from trying.

"LET GO, GET OFF, _NOW!_ " Jun struggled, shoving (possibly punching, he couldn't be sure) at Aiba's side and chest with his one good hand even as his lungs began to burn and the tears began to slide from the corners of his eyes. He hated crying, he hated the sick feeling it gave him and he hated the way it made others treat him like he was made of glass.

"I'm sorry, MatsuJun," Aiba croaked against his neck, his grip redoubling. He smelled like apple shampoo and old cigarette smoke and rainwater and Jun wanted so badly for it not to be comforting. But it was, and he was so tired of being so angry all of the time.

" _Why??_ " Jun asked, squeezing his eyes shut when his voice broke.

His left hand was still pushing at Aiba's chest, but the effort was weak at best. It was unfair that Aiba got to apologize without even knowing what was really wrong. Jun's first instinct was to forgive him and let things go, but he couldn't keep doing that to himself. Not when it meant this, not when it meant everyone looking at him with so much pity it had him screaming on the inside.

"For hurting you like this," Aiba managed to choke out. Jun could only barely understand what was being said through the tears, feeling Aiba's labored breathing through the thin t-shirt under his hand. "For turning you back into the angry kid I found hiding from the rain."

"Aiba, don't. Stop it," Jun said warningly. He didn't want to hear this. He'd wanted to hear something, he'd wanted them to talk, but he didn't want to hear _this_. Making another attempt to extract himself, Jun tried pulling back but Aiba squeezed him all the more tightly, burying his face in Jun's collar.

"I was so happy when you came here with me, when you met everyone," Aiba continued, ignoring Jun's warnings as he hiccuped through another sob. "When you smiled and laughed and just... I liked seeing that guy. I liked seeing the MatsuJun who could grin and joke and play, the one who was so full of energy and ideas even if he was wearing a serious face."

Jun opened his mouth as he struggled harder to shake Aiba off, but his friend shifted his arms and drew him in even more tightly. He was also still talking the entire time, which made it difficult for Jun to hear but impossible for him not to listen.

"I'm sorry I made it not okay to be that MatsuJun," Aiba choked and Jun could feel Aiba's lips trembling against his shoulder. "I'm sorry I took that away from you. Don't let that MatsuJun go, don't put him away again."

Closing his eyes, Jun gripped at Aiba's shirt firmly. He couldn't stop the tears, but he was doing his best to stop himself from falling apart. It wasn't fair. The way Aiba got to make these apologies, say these things that tore up Jun's heart for how genuine and sorry he was. It wasn't fair that he could see so much of the picture but miss the biggest piece.

Pulling back the littlest bit, Aiba pressed his forehead to Jun's. He maintained his hold on Jun's body but did his best to not to sniffle or cough in his face.

"I was really happy at new year's," Aiba confessed in a whisper and Jun's heart ached with how terrified the boy sounded. "I was really happy because I thought maybe MatsuJun would smile and this time it'd be just for me."

Before Aiba could launch into another apology, Jun closed the space between them. The kiss was chaste but desperate, so hard that Jun could feel his teeth pressing uncomfortably to the insides of his lips. Aiba tensed, probably from shock, but soon enough relaxed. Breaking the kiss, Aiba's shoulders shook as he started crying again and buried his face in Jun's neck.

"Idiot," Jun grumbled, but it had no force to it. Circling his arms about Aiba's waist, Jun sagged against his friend as he finally returned the embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> **Omake:**
> 
>  
> 
> Sho stepped out of his office, haphazardly organizing a stack of manga he was balancing in his hands. Looking up, his mouth opened to speak before he stopped. Looking left and then right, Sho placed the stack of books on the counter before turning to Ohno with a slight frown.
> 
> "Didn't I hear Jun a few seconds ago?" he asked Ohno, resting an elbow on the counter.
> 
> Ohno was slouched across a sketchpad, gently rubbing graphite along a line to blend shadows. Without looking up he gave a nod.
> 
> "Yeah. He was grabbing some coffee before heading for a shower," Ohno spoke distractedly, switching pencils and purposefully etching in finer details.
> 
> Sho stared at Ohno's unassuming form in disbelief.
> 
> "Isn't Aiba still in the showers?" he asked slowly, concern quickly approaching panic as he all but heaved himself over the counter to try to look down the hall.
> 
> "Hm... I must have forgotten," Ohno said mildly, as though he was discussing something as inconsequential as the weather. Raising his head for the first time, Ohno smiled at Sho gently.
> 
> Sliding back down to his feet, Sho gaped at Ohno openly.
> 
> "You're a very dangerous man, Ohno Satoshi."
> 
> With a soft chuckle, Ohno shook his head and returned to his drawing.


End file.
